i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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