got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
