my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
