I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
