I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
