we have officially lost it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
