I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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