it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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