I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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