I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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