I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
