What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
