I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
