You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
