I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
