nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
