i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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