My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
