If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
