Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
