Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish my penis had an off switch
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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