So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I cut my penus on the lid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
