this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
