Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
