Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
