i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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