you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
