We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
