Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
