So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
