the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
