Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
