So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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