it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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