This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
