I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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