I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
