My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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