dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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