I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
