It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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