I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
