i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
