A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
