I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
