You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
