Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
