so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
