just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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