My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
