You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
