you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
