I just threw up on my dentist
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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