i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
