Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
