Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
