it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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